I am known as many things... semi retired hardcore gamer, agony uncle, newb Illustrator and Multimedia trainee, aiming for becoming a waaaay better animator then I am right now for fun and also personal reasons I'm also one of the top 50 newgrounds reviewers... as if that one matters...
I have strong beliefs in animation and art principles and most important of all fairness! I don't take fools gladly, but I do have a sense of humour, there's just a fine line between the carefree and the ignorant I guess my aims really are to be much more then I have been in the past, make great friends and inspire people, although I kinda need to finish inspiring myself first
Not Dead... just a lost artist again... please read old budsposted Oct 16th 2007, 1:41AM
Mood: Confused
Music: Dynasty Warriors 5 (yes I know most of it sucks XP)
To a lot of people here I was probably dead unless I know you outside of this website. As for where I've been for the past 3+ months, it's no short task to explain really so take a seat and get ready for some drama. My college course came to a close in early July but as it did, I realized that over half of it had been a waste of my time, since the whole course seemed to have consisted of them ticking off boxes on their teaching to do list not encouraging creativity and being more interested in our “how did you do that” notes... and to explain what that's like... imagine playing a videogame now imagine pausing every minute of so to explain to an idiot what you did what happened and why... that's what it's been like for the best part of 2 years… name one company that will give me a job for doing that rather then having an awesome portfolio... I doubt you can...
It was like they hadn't even cared what we made at all as long as it meant they could tick off the things on their list so we passed the course, WTF is the point of checking our competence in something like Photoshop if you're not being taught about the creative process?! Hell at one point they even made us revisit basic html... ugh I’ll avoid cursing out of respect for Dee Dee but... I'm using CSS does THIS look like I need to revisit the basics!? I've been doing html at least 3 years now if not more and I know more then half of the staff on some of the programs! WHAT A JOKE! It really shocked me because it was almost nothing like the lower level version of the same course I had done before, where everything was fresh and new we often got to be creative in what we did and I was getting really good to start reaching awesome levels.
It hit me the most when I saw the end of year showreel where I could count the parts done by our class on ONE hand! The rest was work done by students on the same course I had been on before this.
So lets see here... very little learning for the past two years, other class mates catching closer to my skill level while my skills barely moved and tbh me not having much work to show for it I didn't just teach myself... yeah... in terms of education I feel like I basically just wasted 2 years of my life in there! This and a student TV channel rejecting ‘Strange Days’ being shown on TV even though they were nice to my face and you can start to understand how I've slipped into a sort of depressive creative rut as cliché as the tortured artist thing sounds but that’s exactly what’s happened.
I'm getting to a level now where skills are worth more then the qualifications. Besides some new friendships I made at least I know now I'm NEVER doing full time education again unless I have to at least not in this country since I think the shorter courses would suit me more. So now I'm in a creative cold turkey rut and supposed to find a job when most of them are after top notch pros in an certain area. How the hell do I get on the ladder if they only want the best? Get in massive debt from university? LMAO no wonder Englands so far behind America in this line of work… Which brings me to my biggest weakness of all... my hate for almost everything I make has come back to haunt me, so I'm the wonderful position of I want to get better but to get better I need to practise, but you try practising something when you have someone heckling you and that someone is yourself... the perfectionist with low art confidence… that’s a pretty lethal combination don’t ya think? I need to take a hint from what Limsanity Said on his entry for the Nyu art thing, art is about the process not the result, so I need to swallow my pride and if I have the urge to do something just do it and not obsess over how awful the results are.
The last thing I want to do is give up on something I only recently believed I could do compared to a lot of people here, but these set backs just make it feel like a mountain I can't even see the top of right now, some kind of guidance like an apprentice job would help me a lot because I feel buried in angst like an emo lately >.>. I need a lot of practise right now, but in the long run to work on something like this advert below would be a dream come true for me, I can’t remember the last time I saw an English animation of this quality, it’s a near perfect marriage of old and new methods of animation… just a shame it’s wasted on such a random subject…
Sorry this entry has lasted so long these are thoughts that have just been bottled up for some time now I’ve been hiding with in a way. So I now end this entry with something for the lolz as thanks to the people who bothered to read this far:
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I guess my aims really are to be much more then I have been in the past, make great friends and inspire people, although I kinda need to finish inspiring myself first 
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